Timing.

It’s a funny thing, isn’t it?  The right (or wrong) timing can make or break how a situation ends up.  Often, I find myself wondering, how did it get this way? I’ll go through each step, forming a play-by-play in my head, to try to find a logical explanation of how things that start off so well progressively get worse.  Why did I do this instead of that?  Why did I say that?  Why didn’t I say that?   If I were to act on my feelings more instead of my head .. how would things be right now?   Would I be happier?  Where did I go wrong?

I have a tendency to overanalyze situations.  It’s in my nature to think everything through, to plan ahead, to always hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.  So when things don’t go as planned, I tend to blame myself for not being thorough enough, for not being as meticulous with the details as I should have been.  But these days, I am realizing more than ever that some things are just out of my control. I know that I cannot change what happened in the past; it is what it is.  Yet I still dwell on it, causing unnecessary stress and unfortunately, even occasional breakouts.  Mostly I do it because I learn a lot about myself and how I deal with the obstacles that come my way.  You only learn through experience and only when you reflect back on those experiences can you really discover their true significance.  I feel like I have a very strong sense of identity because I do think as much as I do.

The past couple of months have really taught me to just let loose and let go.  Don’t force anything to happen because if the timing is right and God is with me, then something extraordinary will occur.  There is something wonderfully freeing about trusting in the Lord.  There will be times where I know I’ll be afraid of failure, or afraid that I’m doing something wrong.  There will be times when I want so desperately for something to happen, but know that it can’t happen for whatever reason.  These are the times I need to act on faith, the times I need to believe that God has brought me to this particular situation, at this particular time, for His particular purpose.  I need to stop trying to plan my own destiny, because in the end, only He knows what’s best for me.  Everything that needs to happen, will happen . . all in God’s PERFECT timing. There’s no need to stress over little things, because everything that happens, whether good or bad, big or small, is part of His grander plan.  Just something I need to keep in mind because I am human, and I do forget.

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they go right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe

I’m going to pretend you’re not reading this

because from now on, I’m writing for me.  I find it therapeutic to take things off my mind and write them down.  No need to impress anyone, and no need to be careful with my words.

I’m not here for followers.  I don’t do this for you; I do this for me.

So if you find this, please understand and respect that.

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